Kenner The Six Million Dollar Man: Oscar Goldman

This guy is probably the very embodiment of the word "excitement." As a member of the Six Million Dollar Man toy line, he has to do something cool, right? He's probably a super-secret agent with some sort of robotic superpowers. He's probably just as strong as Steve, somehow...right?... Maybe he's Steve's superpowered best friend. Hmmm? Well, actually, he's Steve Austin's...

Boss.

No other label commands such awe and excitement in the mind of a child. Sure a bionic man, robotic Sasquatch, and evil identity-changing robot are cool, but nothing compares to the coolness factor of a character that pushes papers around, warms up that morning's tepid cup of coffee, and wears sport coats with corduroy patches on the elbows.

This is Oscar Goldman. The Boss.

So, no matter how much power you think your Steve Austin has, he still answers to this guy....Mr. Goldman. Yep, that's right. You thought you were the one to give marching orders to your own Six Million Dollar Man, didn't you? Well, think again. Once this guy's in your toy box, you need to run any plans for Steve by him first. After all, he's his Boss...not you. It says so right on his box.

All kidding aside, Oscar was always a pretty cool character on the Six Million Dollar Man TV show...and there was something kind of bold about Kenner adding a figure to the line that wasn't bionic in some way. Oscar was played by actor Richard Anderson (not to be confused with Richard DEAN Anderson, MacGuyver), and it's his partial voice-over in the opening of the show that sets the stage for all the bionic excitement to come in each episode..."Gentleman, we can rebuild him.  We have the technology. We have the capacity to build the world's first bionic man." Incidentally, this figure features a fairly good likeness of Anderson.

Truth be told, I was excited to get this figure as a kid. I'm not sure why, maybe it was because I was a sucker for all things Six Million Dollar Man, at that point, and any new figure was welcome. Kenner only released four different characters (not counting the Bionic Woman line...that was for girls) for the Six Million Dollar Man line. Plus, his briefcase had a pretty cool feature to make up for the lack of "bionic" features on the figure itself. If you were privy to OSI procedures (or read the instructions) you could open the briefcase without fear of danger. However, if you were one of the uninitiated, you were risking your life by opening Oscar's benign-looking accessory. If you opened the briefcase incorrectly, the top would fly off and the inside of the case looked as if it had been bomb-damaged. I knew a kid that lost a finger to that briefcase. It's feature was that realistic. True story.

Pink means danger. Look at the packaging. Oscar is obviously dangerous.

Ooops. Someone forgot to be careful.

Okay, so THAT's not true. Nobody lost a finger but it was still a cool feature that made Oscar more than just a guy in a suit. Oscar also included a black microphone headset so he could stay in communication with Steve...or OSI headquarters...or maybe he just moonlighted at the McDonald's drive-thru. Nobody ever said that working for the OSI paid a lot. Most people are unaware that Colonel Austin was also a wedding planner in his off-hours (look it up). Oscar's articulation is pretty much the same as Steve's (not great) as he shared the same base body minus any bionic chips and what-not. A complete Oscar Goldman includes his plaid sports jacket, turquoise shirt, tan pants, black socks, and brown shoes. His briefcase also includes paper files of Steve Austin and Jaime Sommers (the bionic woman). He should also include the aforementioned headset.


What a great figure!!...to have around the office.

Follow his orders. He may not be bionic but he could still crush your head like a nut.